a diary of what i love and what i do

Friday, July 29, 2011

Lil Wayne. I've been on his nuts from the start, now this.....

July 24th 2011 : To Love Than To Be Loved

thank you
for the chance to be a part of something special
to find what i can bring instead of take
that it's not about me, it's not about me, it was never about me
that once upon a time, no one would dare ask me to be a part of something really important to them.
oh how things have changed.
for the program. i owe my life to it.
working with others because you told me to
but you never told me i would get to work out all the shit inside of me too.
to wake up to the sounds of nature
for a bed of pillows
tears of happiness
a hand to hold
windy god hugs
the heart on her back
the love in her heart
a chair that looks empty but is filled with his spirit
for how far we come if we just keep showing up
the family that cooks together loves together
top notch service
a plate of berries
a never empty cup
that we didn't need bubbly champagne to celebrate
for prickly thorns from rose stems
comfort in my own skin
the tiny details and finding god there
golf carts
the family dynamic
the happy couple
that the ever after is here. now. wake up!

that as i lay me down to sleep and go through the day i think "gift. gift. gift."

Viva Las Vegas

Anoche tomé mi español final! La escuela de verano ha terminado. Vegas aquí vengo!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Mission Market

This mural is new and it's on the backdoor entrance of Mission Market on Bartlett. I love it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

whores of faith have courage and whores of courage have faith

thank you
that i am just a small but important piece of a greater whole
for a stevie wonder morning
to do something artistic or creative daily and naturally
"she's got everything she needs, she's an artist she don't look back"
a job interview
to not treat everything likes its in the bag and actually spend the evening preparing
to treat what is important to me like it is important
that today my goal is just to practice interviewing as myself and not who i think they want me to be
that practice doesn't make perfection, it makes peace of mind
an oldie but goodie
for purple pianos
some prized possessions :
a vitamix blender from my aa family
an electronic toothbrush
a good pair of headphones
a surfboard
a vintage beach cruiser bicycle
a old school sewing machine
good old reliable
that i've had lots of fun with all of them
willingness to give anything up (material or not) if god made it so
for my first F on an exam.
humbling experiences and fires under my butt
for jeremiah's "put it down"
to get a clue (or three) and throw in the towel
to take something up off the shelf and make more room
for a whole chapter dedicated to jealousy
for tears of relief
that there is a solution for something i thought was inherently wrong with me
that there are no secrets between us
everything is in the light and out in the open
for more room to love
a life worth living
a growly dog
a perfectly ripe pluot
a yellow pad to do list
coffee through a straw
a glass of water being more than enough
that i get to show up for shit bright eyed and present
no more dilated pupils, bloody noses and whiskey breath
no more elaborate excuses and pathetic apologies
if that's not a fucking gift, well, i don't know what is

Friday, July 15, 2011

I know exactly how you feel buddy.

put your money where your mouth is

thank you
that the sky wowed and wooed me tonight
woke me up from my thinking
that very moment when i see lolo's hand writing on a card addressed to me at the bottom of the stairs
a best friend who is so good at paying attention to the details
that she got 4 extra unwarranted years of life
and we are in this shit together through hell and back
to walk the walk and talk the talk
that i can wake up early to get to an 8:45am gyno appt
and handle my vagina business
for a school of children walking beneath my window
the work of looking for work
resentments towards people who have trust funds and parents that pay for everything
and then this program helping me to get to what's underneath that shit
and then the realization that if i want that life i'd have to be someone else, but i like me so...
that it's just money and it's just stuff and at the end of the fucking day it doesn't matter
a higher power delivering some faith in a fashion magazine horoscope
that i get to be a part of kyla and bella's childhood
a sephora makeup hour
sliced pizza on the bench in the sun
a michael jackson living room dance session
arts and crafts at the dining table
how fun it is to be a girl at age 9, 13 or 31.
for the things that come naturally for me most of the time
taking care of children
laughing at myself
for everything to look forward to and nothing to regret
one little moment at a time
i'm rich bitch!!!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

don't worry about what i be doin'

thank you
for a little bit of this and a little bit of that
the ability to show up and support my girls
miss cinnamon who shut that shit down
booty and cellulite and droopy titties
all viewed as beautiful and no need to hate
a painful hangnail
accepting failure
admitting to myself i was slacking off
a midnight snack
an invitation to hang with rusty countertop and white gold doing what we do
"hanging with the big boys breaking all the rules"
to be showered with love and consideration
expensive big gorey hollywood films with cheesy lines meant to be serious but really just make me laugh
for heads being smashed with maces and broken bones protruding from the body
my sponsors humanity
that god made room and opened new doors
and i love what's being offered even though at one point i was scared
once drunk whores being sober one day at a time
the little sounds and faces milo makes when i hold him
lolo on the line
a backwards indirect amends
flattery as a tool
allowing everybody to do the best they can with what they got from where they're at (myself included)
that the more i move away from the story i get to enjoy the reality
for galaxies of possibilities
to bask in the sunlight of the spirit
A nice night in Redondo Beach, Ca with my friend Aly
He also took these photos (which I love). I'll let them do their thing.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Celebrating One Year of Tits and Ass

everything is on the menu

thank you
that i can't change my mom
but i can change my flight
i can change my attitude
i can change my perspective
for freedom in the reality of things within my control
for her longcuts
her buttons
and that my experience with it this weekend is going to help someone else
for korean bbq
a walk on the pier
just in time for the fast setting sun
the unsuspecting fishing community
mackeral doing their last dance before their little fish spirits leave their bodies
that he caught it on film
not enjoying the taste of alcohol anymore even if it comes in gelato form with coconut and chocolate
handfuls of people who check in and give a fuck
that everything is not better over there
or when i get x y and z
everything i need is where ever i am
funny little baby hairs that curl up
sweaty feet in canvas tennies
that i don't need to eat mcdonalds and have a cocktail while sitting in the airport
that number 67 of 73 is fucking comical at this point
not tripping if i make the flight
or if my luggage will be ok
being alright in not knowing what's going to happen in the next few hours
the next few days
this month
standing by
tell me when to go

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The tightest thing about this video (besides Nelly in a bathtub) 
is the opening footage of Biggy singing Jodeci's Freek'N You. 

And the tightest thing about Freek'N You is the last 30 seconds with KC and Jojo switching lines.


You can take the girl out of the hood....

I Hella Heart Hella Jongerius

First of all, I love her name.
Secondly, I love her style.

She is an inspiration.

I stumbled upon Hella Jongerius a few years ago when I was working for an interior design company, flipping through a magazine and saw this couch. I loved it. Later the same couch was on display at a Vitra project I attended held at Limn. It looks and feels even better in person. It's still my dream couch. I love that it's not symmetrical and that it seems "imperfect". I'm big on embracing imperfections.


Hella is in this month's issue of Dwell, in which she says "Perfection is macho. And boring. I like to see the hand of the maker." I couldn't have said it better.

if my heart could sing

If my heart could sing, it might sound something like Pogo's music. Add the fact that I'm a girl who grew up watching Disney movies, plus some serious princess tendencies, how could I not love his stuff?

every second is chance to turn it around. turn it around. turn it around...

thank you
for a purple pink skyline with hints of brown from the smog
a female version of jack black who can just stand still and be hilarious to me
dining outside with a friend
fondue and bread and apple slices
objects of my affection
someone to connect with effortlessly one night
then someone else to put a lot of effort into the next night
for the juxtaposition to help put things into perspective
for the word : j u x t a p o s i t i o n
for the heat and the sweat of southern cali
a head of hair murdered by the angry vietnamese woman
the lost then the found gold bracelet
for a set of different colored eyes
to be in the thick of the beginning of a new adventure
an eyeshadow palette of nudes and smoke
the kiss, the spank, the undoing to do it
complicated ho's like myself
for showing me the source of my pain came from all my grabbing and taking
a long list of what i want. now!
the selfish self centered alcoholic in me
my sick mind capable of taking everything and twisting it to the point of unrecognizable shape
my insatiable need for more
the ability to be overly sensitive yet completely insensitive when i'm looking to get mine
for the flip side
that i have a solution which doesn't come in a bottle
or a little plastic bag
that i can rush over to a room full of alcoholics that don't know me at all but know me whole heartedly
that i have people to call who speak my language fluently
that i can put myself to bed, wake up this morning and start over
the reset button
prayer lines instead of coke lines on repeat
looking for what i can bring, cuz i know i got something to give
for the facts not the fabrications
that if i can remember i have nothing to lose, then i have nothing to hang onto or be afraid of
that this is life. didn't i ask for it to get messy?
thank you god for shaking shit up. you always fucking deliver.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

oh snap.

thank you
for the smell of banana bread in the air
my first sugar free version
in and out burger for breakfast after a target adventure
the world's need to have a lot of a lot of things
the first unsnapping of a bra after a long day
letting the girls hang out
for dish washing gloves
happily humming to myself in the kitchen while making dinner
perfectly content in my own company
basil kale lettuce salad with nectarines and raspberries for dinner
to sit in a meeting and love the faces of everyone i see
that we never know who is going to stay
"you're not a fucking snowflake"
the funniest share i've heard in a while
for a sarcastic substitute
a summer of trips despite the summer classes
that california is a great place to travel
that she's coming home
mini bunny injuries
daily slut updates with no reservations
sex positive people to share it all with
no shady dark corners of lies
everything out in the open and in the light
falling asleep on the roof in the sun
to the sounds of birds cooing and cars honking and a flag flapping in the wind
yelling at my mom and apologizing within 5 minutes. miracle.
swallowing my pride and letting go of who's right
for windex
and power naps
that i can't make them want to give back, but i can give back myself
that i can't make them treat me with respect, but i can treat myself with respect
practice at laying down the tools and the boundaries
for pluots
for penis'
the jingle of a loose belt buckle
that when he doesn't try to put on the brakes i don't feel the need to step on the gas
to be more in love today than yesterday
only god can pull some shit like that

Monday, July 4, 2011

Boom Boom Boom You're brighter than the Moon Moon Moon

Ok. I confess. I'm a sucker for this kind of shit.

Hello Dick.

Everything sounds better with a British accent. There's "Peenis" and then there's "Pehnas".

Anyways, this is AWESOME!!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

One. Two. Three. Jump!

thank you
for it is what it is
my most comfortable pair of shoes ever
to study at the dining table by the window
two birds sitting on a wire
the always entertaining trees
that i can count on them to be there everyday doing their thing
that when i miss lolo i can watch her silly video made just for moi
for tummy aches
and heart aches
for my biceps. BAM!
a blister on my foot the size of china. double BAM.
to be proud of it cuz i enjoy dancing again. thank you thank thank you.
for the A i didn't get on my spanish test
the $120 haircut i can't afford and had to cancel
the responses i haven't received for the jobs i applied for
the friend i didn't know was incapable of letting go of her pride
trusting that rejection is god's protection
for all that i do get
tickets to celine dion in vegas
a community of love and fun
to wake up every morning sober
minty fresh painted nails
hello and goodby kisses on the cheek
her beautifully crooked lips
topless sunbathing on the roof
big bright colored mexican blankets to nap on
another great book in the mail
for online window shopping
that Kelly has time off now and a new baby to ooh and ahh at
for how tiny he feels in my arms
the little corners of his mouth turning up
to learn so much from my sponsees
that as i fit into my own skin, honesty becomes the only option left
to discover that what we don't talk about only tears us apart
and showing all of our parts, warts and all, makes us closer
for the power pep talk from my sponsor
to get a running start and leap from the cliff with everything i got

not knowing if god will give me wings
but taking in the view anyway