a diary of what i love and what i do

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Throw your hands in the air like you don't care!

Get Ready.

Ridin' round the city with some brand new heat. Brand new car. Brand new feet

thank you
a post it that reads : do some sit ups you lazy whore
homemade spanish flash cards
a fall school schedule i don't need to figure out
to stop trying to do something when clearly there is nothing i can do at the moment. (control freak.)
for labor text play by play
a welcome song for milo
a fun bike ride through the city
not wanting to go to jail orientation and then being there and realizing how important it is to follow simple direction in order
an opportunity to practice consistency and compassion with inmates
that i get to go in and do my service and leave
to not measure my success or failure in time and numbers
and "any success i have is far more greater his than mine"
to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again
for A.A. - attitude adjustment
mannequin heads on the street
chewed and spit out bubble gum in the shape of a heart
white nectarines with salt for dessert
no sugar for hella days in a row
no hard and fast rules about life, except to do what's fun for me today
that he made it back from the abyss
that human parrots are also god in drag
to get behind what i'm willing to say in my heart and that making all the difference
give the apology, take the responsibility and show the consideration i wish i would receive
how in trying to free someone else up, i myself was set free. funny how that works.
"cuz you tryin hard to maintain and go ahead cuz i ain't mad at ya"
that molly speaks SLAAT fluently
switching pages on bedtimes stories
that god adjusted the light again and he got hotter
to chose to not do the shady shit around the monies and trust i'm already taken care of
for ponytail wearing days that feel like being 9 minus the shitty childhood
a new sponsee
a new bag
a new pair of sunshine pants for nine nine cents
a new view
new ho shit 2011

Monday, June 27, 2011

W   E    I        R          D
 o f  f with their
                                                                                                h ea D s

My name is Peaches

HAAAA HAAAA!!! I'm dying.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

if god laughs at my plans, then my day planner must be a fucking riot

thank you
for a good book i can't put down
to spend most of the day in bed reading
that what i seek i shall find
and today, i found more freedom
to lose weight without losing my mind
taking care of my body because it feels good
that i get paid to spend time with the most amazing little human beings
for a friendly exchange all in spanish and i actually got by just fine
for the condensation on a glass
one little kibble left in the bowl
an empty disc
mascara that delivers
that Kelly's water broke and soon we all will get to meet Milo
for Sunday night movies cuddled on the couch
a happy lazy family
to feel sexy in tennis shoes and sweats
to love myself by asking for the things i need
for less sugar in my bowl and more sugar for my soul
that to be sexual is to be spiritual
that in the rooms i get to hear fun shit,
like the story of being humbled by one single organic grape on the floor of the grocery store
that god can take the most mediocre items and ingredients to create the most mind blowing experiences

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Todos Santos. Mexico. March 2011

to turn the corner to a man wearing a shirt that says "prayer changes things"
a big book on the table
a reminder of how this trip is even possible
for kitty kat's buddyness
the smell of mexico; heat, earth and orange
to be greeted by Hector with "good morning! are you happy?"
that he rides the waves of life the way he rides the waves of the ocean
hopping on my board, paddling out to meet god in the water
lucid voodoo mexican dreams
roosters in the morning
wind blowing through palm trees
bumps on the road
fences made of sticks
rooftops made of palm tree leaves
abandoned incomplete cement buildings
construction workers playing baseball on the highway
bouganvilla in hot pink and light peach growing next to each other
for a field of basil
to be rockstar by day and fluffy by night
"vaya con dios, esto es todo lo que hay"

life is a beach and i'm just playing in the sand

Little Maya. Playa Cerritos.

thank you

for wavy hair crimpers
that i thought i was running behind
but then was shown i was just in time
for front seat cab rides
for a quick honest chat between apple fritters and a banana
to care a lot less today than previous days about nothing
to live in the hours that are worth while
for a sugar free cheesecake made from scratch with love
a birthday song and dance by 3 sillies
for adele, who's heart and gut i can hear in her voice
to give water and sunshine to the relationships i actually have
for the element of bro-ness my ho's have
that i ain't that poor if i can go vacay's regurlarly, buy fun things, eat hella food and put a dollar in the basket everyday
to swipe my ebt card and think to myself every time "damn it's good to be an ah-mare-ree-can"
to study faces the way i would study a painting or the clouds in the sky
that now that i am not falling over my own drunk feet, i can actually follow through
for nina simone's "in the dark"
that sometimes my booty pants and hair down feels like a security blanket and i'm cool with that
to participate in this life
for the woman with the raspy bar voice but the sweetest seed blossom analogy
for so many familiar faces who make the rough beginning real
for sam having the perfect response without missing a beat
that life has lost it's lesson and has become an experience. i hope it gets messy from time to time.
that i don't need awards and accolades for the victories i've had today small or big
i just get this,
one more day

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

are you picking up what i'm putting down?

the sensations of holding a pee and not knowing if i'm gonna make it
then, making it.
sneaking into the same pool we've been sneaking into since high school
no crying over spilled diet coke
a loud fart received by a stranger with just a glance and a smile
for tanned legs
big billowy shirts
goodbyes on bart
showing up for class prepared and stress free
taking these new tools out into the rest of the world
that he is still sexy to me after all this time
that the rhythm of typing on a keyboard sometimes feels like playing the piano
for this new place i am at in my life
a place i've never been before
exciting and scary
that each moment is unique
invitations to speak and give back to meetings that saved my ass
or meetings that i've never been to before
for the aim of my message : the truth
even when it's unraveled and messy
for the urge to bite into someone because they look so damn good
to run into a couple of people i think of as beautiful with their new braces
endive leaves filled with summertime yummyiness
that sometimes just listening is the best i can do
for florence and the machine
for the visual of god laughing at me while i make plans
a best friend who knows knows me
for her success
for her art
for how she sees the world
that she's got my back through heaven and hell
and she's got me back from the gates of death
thank you god for this little kitty's bonus round at life

What happens in Vegas.....is hard to wash off.

Pool by day.
Dancing by night.

Monday, June 20, 2011

never lost one minute of sleep thinking of the way things might have been

for tropical fishes plucked from the ocean and put in a swamp
my tits subtly shaking as i write
the sound of a pencil moving against paper
falling asleep in the sun
sun burnt
sun kissed
sun drenched
a homemade feast
kale in toasted sesame seed oil
ham sandwiches with the crusts cut off
for a day with no apologies
clumpy crusted eye makeup
a good honest try
and simply finding, "i just ain't feeling it"
for the pause button
for the nerd inside of me who wants to learn about political science and economics
for the balance of things
a well rounded heart
for all the "bad things" that happened for me
dr jung's "it's not about being good. it's about being whole."
a new sunflower seed habit
for alcoholics, the most wonderfully fucked up entertaining people
dance class and not a care in the world for one hour of my day
for the word : bliss
for the words : i'm not ready
for the little girl singing :
big wheels keep on turning
proud mary keep on burning
rolling rolling rolling on a river
for the sense that she might be onto something
and everything is better than okay

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I love food

I spent all day yesterday eating. Practically 10 hours to be exact with an hour intermission. First stop was Ubuntu in Napa. All vegan and so delicious. I love meat, but it was not missed in this meal. Most of their ingredients are grown and pulled fresh from their own garden.

Garden salad snake served with flowers and dirt (the little brown specks). 

Next stop was for Joe Montana's 55th birthday / fundraiser party which was held in a some fancy castle with fancy people, doing fancy things. Everything was done to the 9's (even the plastic surgery). I was highly entertained and well fed. Everyone was nice and the food just kept on coming. I could have rolled my ass home.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Design 101 : Final Project : Gestural Model of Urban Development

Final Project : Use visual language to express and communicate an environmental issue, which in this case was Urban Development. I chose to focus on the origin of overconsumption, waste and landfill. To express the idea that the waste and pollution starts within us and overflows out. Where does all the garbage go?

Photos of trash and waste left on the street.

I pulled inspiration from Tara Donovan and Tony Cragg.

Sketch and Mood Board

First iteration with army men in the base, which by the way, didn't really work out but looked cool.

Apartment building made with wood then spray painted white. Tiny garbage bags individually cut and stuffed with paper, then glued together with epoxy. The base is actually an acrylic picture frame filled with pieces of trash to represent landfill. After several iterations and critiques, here is the final product.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Eddie Vedder is Killing Me Softly

The new Ukulele Songs album is murderous. I listened to it back and forth. I have so many emotions...and too many memories. I guess that is part of the magic of music. Take me there, drop me off here, move me.

He does a cover of "Tonight You Belong To Me", originally written in 1926 but best performed in a scene from The Jerk. Bernadette Peters is adorable.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Burlesque @ Toot's Tavern

I'll be here tonight shaking my money maker.

Rebecca Martinez

Last night I attended Reborning for the second time and they had a Q&A afterwards with the Reborners (the artists that make the dolls). I got another peek into another world. These women are dedicated, passionate and talented. As strange and disturbing their work may seem on the group level, I am moved and have mad respect for what they do.

Rebecca Martinez is talented photographer who works with these women and their dolls. She also photographs mannequins "after they have become individuals. As they become 'flawed' and reflect their experiences, they more truly represent us". I rather enjoyed her artist statement and especially the photographs. It seems fitting for where I'm at these days....unraveled. Naked. The packaging coming undone. The tricky part is learning to love myself for where I'm at, flawed and all.