thank you
for the black keys
for comfort in a sometimes crazy world
sweat pants
'don't notice me too much' black
macaroni and cheese
joni mitchell
watching my program come out and shine through in unfamiliar places
slowing down in the holiday craze while everyone speeds up, missing the whole experience
for friendly helpful people at whole foods
a compliment from a 70 year old woman who wore colorful silk scarves and silver jewelry
to play wifey minus the meaning and just trying the role on for size, like a jacket.
to make decisions together
to sit on it for a second
to find other ways to speak god without saying god but the message being the same
to get use to this "my boyfriend"
to get use to speaking in meetings without the nod and mm hmm in my peripheral
for a bottom lip i could bath in
a body i could melt into
someone i could watch just do stuff all fucking day
insides matching outsides
that he wrote on his hand exactly what i was thinking
for cheap red nail polish
to speak enough tagalog to make an impression
that not all my hustling skills have gone to waste
tired cold feet
one singular white hair glistening in the sea of my brunette mane
for chia seeds in my purple drank
adorable mom and pop meat shops
for that fuck yeah feeling.
to walk into a space and just know
to walk with someone and just know
an instinct i can trust now that it's not soaked in alcohol
for every line of blow i ever did to get here
that when it comes to sobriety, there's no room for sugar coating
for bitches on speed dial while i'm on the train to crazy town
to create a problem out of thin air
then have a mirror held up to my face. it's me.
for a chance to be happy
to watch the self pick me apart to shreds
to break it down piece by piece and chant
with god my lipstick is red enough
with god my hair is soft enough
with god my body is skinny enough
with god my lashes are long enough
i love everything about me and when i say me i mean you.
