thank you
for most things french
that i am a heavy praying woman
that i can close my eyes, be quiet and not worry how it looks
"walk into the fire. you're not the one burning"
to stop judging and make room for you
letting people finish their sentences
for all the things i don't have
for chocolate dipped oreo cookies
for cab rides
lavender scented hand lotion
the reversible christmas coat
high waisted panties made of silk and lace
for their secret : laughing together and mystery dates
thinking of the one thing i want to let go of
the action of stomping on a christmas ornament on the sidewalk with my foot
the chance to meet his family and not have my hand out for their approval
that when i am enough with god i am freeeeeeee
for small talk and taking an interest
that i didn't have to worry about what i said after one too many glasses of wine
oaklahoma accents and hugs all around
bed picnics and a movie
not getting all the things i am use to and trying to see that as a good thing cuz it's a god thing
that not one person can be everything to another, but everyone can be special to each other
for opened doors
mistletoe over the bed
that rusty picks up the phone and tells me to stop walking around the block to get back to where i already was
that a bad dream is still just a dream. so is a good dream.
that my beautiful boyfriend actually belongs to god
that aa helps me not get shit twisted
for spiritual and physical orgasms
for shakira shakira
for panda this and panda that
accepting what is as it is no edits allowed
"its all make believe isn't it?"
that how i roll may not be how the rest of the world rolls. imagine that.
that i can plug in by looking up at the sky or down at my feet
to love where i live and live where i love
friends faces that feel like home
that i can say to my girls that i'm not doing so hot and i already feel better
for the ability to be in deep pain and still push out a full belly laugh
"you said you were gonna get messy remember?"
that my sponsor calls back
for how much easier it is to take everything one day at a time
that i am ready to live with less stuff inside and out
that i don't need vodka with my oj, whiskey with my water and baileys in my coffee
and i don't need better than just because i don't drink
a perfectly made crossaint to share
that all this now business is real
pain begins to dissolve in the present
that god has given me pain to practice with
for the first and only hit of a cigarette in a few years
"true communication is communion"
wisdom written on a napkin in the dark
god, thank you for my lines.
